Impossible

Impossible

to feel the right way

impossible

to say the right thing

leave my head spinning

at least that makes sense

while the world is crumbling

over words said wrong

deeds not done

whatever

just leave me spinning

i have been all along

The Fear In Love

Known for
taking the easy way out
and
biding time.
Neither is fair really
but hesitation is left to reign
and feelings sink passed the point
of no return.

What if I just
did the hard thing?
I never embraced the fear in love
quite right,
got it out of the way
and under my skin
faster than the all encompassing terror
and blinding doubts
doubling down before my eyes.

But I think I'm finally ready to be terrified

Carbon Love

I.

I thought it'd mean more
if my love took a form I could touch
something visceral, physical.
I turned love into carbon
only to realize
by making it a totem,
I assured it's destruction.
Now my love is just
another physical thing
breaking down
turning to ashes and dust.

 

II.

My love's carbon footprint
takes an unbearable toll
on the physical world.
In theory, it's so beautiful,
but in actuality, it's presence in nature
is utterly merciless.
My love is an invasive species with no regard
for the natural order.
Nature doesn't need my love.
Once my love became carbon
all the most beautiful things in nature
disappeared;
everything gold was lost.
And I guess now
I'm just sorry I loved you so much.

Who knows

I'm so full of words, I'm drowning.
Dying to say to you
everything I'm feeling
since our love turned blue.

I fear I'm bitter, losing touch.
Itching every scratch
trying to rewrite the past.

I'm just watching days float by
longing to rewind.
Or not. Who knows?
Maybe it's just about control.

It's hard to even know what I want anymore.
Closure? Sure, but what a fallacy!

Severed

peel back skin/
sever the flesh/
pick bones dry.

a fresh start and
i'll leave nothing behind.

Tough Skin

done bleeding now
you left your mark
the skin is raised
over my heart
flesh wounds
carved in deep
i'll harden my skin
shed the weak

Check please!

hands placed, tenderly
then mouth to ear
your breathy words escape
laying it on thick
and I'm eating it up,
playing my part

unable/unwilling

I'm clinging to the past,
the ghost haunting my memories,
unable/unwilling to stop treading water
and just head for the fucking shore already.
I'm craving more and you won't fill me.
You're clinging to the past
unable/unwilling to see anything new
in front of you.

And now I'm holding back to see
if you're holding out on me.
And of course you are!
It's no surprise,
you ride emotions like tides.
At best I'm stuffed in the back of your mind
losing sight of what I'm chasing here.

Out of Bounds

Your disappointment knows no bounds
not even reality
or sanity
driving me to do so many things
whatever
goodnight, if you need

Pretty Lines

shake you from your ways
rolling eyes into oblivion
and back through the past
wondering what is left
only to realize it's nothing
and never was anything
pretty lines of programming
backend code
not for our eyes