Two Birds

Party foul telepathy:
two birds like
anchors
in separate oceans.

Do si do,
practically Mexico.

Ignite
beating hearts,
hesitating.

Last track vibes.
Gimme seven days
to kick this
like bad habits
broken.

Two birds,
worlds apart;
let the fire ignite.

Your Misery

I wish the answer were no,
but I don't think it is.
I would jump back in
to your misery
in a heartbeat.

The Last Goodbye

It pained me
as you drew another breath,
but goodbye was already
out the gate
and I only have so much strength
to say goodbye
to you.

I knew
I couldn't keep hanging on
for your next words,
give more
benefit of the doubt
to you.

So I hung up.

And to this day I
die inside
thinking of everything
you might have said.

The Seed

Am I drawing lines
in the dark?
Has infection sparked
an untruth in my mind?

A seed planted,
not meant to blossom.

Fall From Grace

Your voice
before you became a God
had so much to say;
such pain,
such existence.

They couldn't even wait
until you died
to memorialize you.

Do you do it for them now?
Have they changed your art?
Can they change your mind? 

How will it play?
Who is this for?
What does this mean?

What does anyone mean
at all?

Staring down from
the tops of buildings
everyone can fall from grace.
But who had the grace to start?

Cycle of Guilt

Troublesome feelings
erode my
false sense of security
when you are near.

Need you closer maybe, but
don't really need you at all.

Just want you in my orbit
until the guilt creeps in
and destroys another good thing.

Dukkha

I'm in danger
my priestess,
forever cursed.

Sacrificed my light
to her,
lived on my knees.

Wash me clean,
please.

The Dance

The air you need
to burn:
I'd give my last breath.

Something in the way
you long to combust,
forge new gravity.

I wanna dance in your light,
be the heat you need
to put the fire out.

Lets carve our names,
leave a mark;
turn around
tear each other apart.

Disjointed

Out of the woodwork
I'm carved, fully expecting.

I can't climb this mountain alone
but she's one with the stone,
too cold to grasp.

My skin is cracked and broken
from the past;
never to heal,
never to forget.

She used to smell like dawn,
but now it's always a setting sun;
I can appreciate the symbology.

She's no enigma,
only rosy memories
finally unwrapped:

a less tidy package now.

Most People

Setting expectations low,
we're ten thousand words in
and I'm yet to feel the sting.
Your ambiguity is no stranger to me,
still trying to decipher
just what it is you mean.
Heads laid to rest,
dizzy and tested.
This coming week could be
my panacea or my
nightmare realized.
Lets stay instrumental tonight,
I can figure you out
in the morning.

Cooked

Derailed by a glance,
eyelashes and
the hammer's coming down
without a second thought:
death rattles, pt two.

Take it easy now. 

I can stay until the morning,
after that who knows.
Just give me the word
and I'll melt right beside you,
forever at your feet.

Is this what you wanted?

I don't think I
want to know
either way.

Cherry

Old wounds seep
into the ivory floor,
find the cracks
and make a home
to sprout new every year.

New wounds, so ripe
form hard, thorny pits
deep inside;
a seed to plant.

The bright lights of flashbacks
stain everything infected.
There is no future
without the past.
You cannot forget.

Eight wheels against the world,
and there's you,
the un-anointed princess
of a realm you refuse to claim.

But everything is so shiny
when you're around.
I can't look away,
the heartbreak.

Little Green Plate

I couldn't tell if
it was sand or
remnants of coke
matted in your beard
reminding me of another night
the sun found me too soon.

Our sloppy kisses
danced around your bristles,
rubbing my lips raw
as we remembered
(then forgot)
we were still strangers.

You didn't want to be touched
out of respect for your fresh ghost
but offered to devour me whole,
and I let you
without a second thought.
I loved the new boundaries imposed upon me.

We were filling each other's voids
for one night only,
a limited run of empty affection:
no one came.

And as the dawn found me
I put away that little green plate
and started my day
for the second time.

Inherent Vice

She wants me to stay
but stranger's beds
never stay warm long
and I've always loved the leaving
more.

All this unspoken misery is
beating me into submission
with every glance,
blissfully without bliss.
No hope.

And I'd love a bit more honesty
when every touch feels misleading,
but know that I'm a sucker
for her brand of anything.
She smells like heaven maybe
and my fingers long to explore
her terrain once more.

She's uncharted, untamed;
her every word lands right on the floor
for me to scavenge.
And I'm collecting memories.

Nowhere is home anymore,
nobody is anyone
and when everything fades to black
just mark me on her map.

Whatever, Maybe.

So wholly off base,
I'm listening to non-existent crickets
laughing in my ear.
Everything is fine enough, I guess
for this.
My nightly slumber is a gas
to more than just me
and I hope
you're tucked in so tight
you barely think of me,
but by all accounts you do.
Whatever.
See you fondly in my dreams maybe.
The full moon
has such a view
to see my failures.
I love you maybe.
Think of me
as the curtains close
so seamlessly.

The Door That Doesn't Open

The door that doesn't open,
why exist at all?

I want to know
how and why
you taunt me.

A beautiful scent wafting
from a world unknown
seeking to intrigue me.

The Lonely Cowboy

The lonely cowboy
feeling worthless
and self destructive
lives in the past;
the weakest of motivations.

Ride high
scared child
and saddle up,
it's just a little rain.

Neighbourly

muffled shouting through walls
remind me of childhood
pretending not to hear
stomping harder
she wants to make a point
he won't hear
she resorts to breaking his favourites
and he
resorts to the love his father taught him
while their petrified animals
cower in the corner

Commemorative Decimation

Still recovering from
absolute decimation,
my heart is in no state
to be presented to another.

In the meantime,
please take this
commemorative pen
as a token of what could've been
if the Universe
weren't such a fucking bitch.

Indistinct Chatter

Bones scraping
like tongues,
vying to be clean.

All my best words evade me.
Thought I was
saving them for later,
not realizing.

Now we're
indistinct chatter,
the backtrack with
nothing worth articulating.

I meant I'm sorry
every time.
I wish I still meant
something, anything.

But now
all my best words evade me,
and you aren't listening
anyway.

Swimmer

This is a mistake
and I want to scream every day
but if I'm not allowed
to feel anything else
the least I can do
is respect you
from afar.

And I'm waiting for her
to chime in on my behalf.
She's been in my ear for months
saying time is out of line
and to build up my virtues,
this High Priestess
I haven't met.
I pray she knows
I'm The Fool, no saint,
and I bound my hands
but not too tight
because they contain my everything.

Even so
please know
if you ever want to again
I'm just a river away.

I'm not afraid to get wet.

Devine

The stars are screaming
we're meant to be so much more!
Maybe I'll give it a light-year
maybe more
but I hear the Universe

She is my scar
my crown
divined

Disco

broken glass
and a half
watch but time won't pass

empty glass
tinny speakers
some sound I suppose

enter commerce
transactional something something
time spent not free

don't listen
the red wheelbarrow

The Catalyst

Maybe you were always my catalyst:
my spark to action.
Taking it all in
now I see
I'm not meant to merely watch,
I'm meant to be.
And there's still a shimmer of love for you
that will remain in my heart
despite our endings, destitute.

The Most Honest Thing

I won't pretend
this doesn't burn
more than a thousand suns.
It seems the hardest truth
is knowing you were not the one.
Looking back I see
past all the rosy shimmer, and
yet again,
this is the end of an era.

Another meager attachment
amplified by empty promises.

This isn't the first time
I've spoken of this as an ending,
but its the first time
that I feel it in my bones.

If every moment
leading up to right now shapes a person,
I take solace in knowing
my shaping doesn't end at you;
I'll continue to grow.

Sorry that it took this long
to find honesty.
And the most honest thing
was the end.

H.F.P.R.E.F.

It's this
head-fucky, post relationship
emotional fuckery
that's got me
gasping for new breath,
sick of the old taste.
Is platonicy the way to check this?
Fill the hole with something else?
I can tell you want,
but heavy sighs don't carry the same weight
they used to.
And I'm sick of searching for meaning
in the silence between
every last conversation
before you've had enough of me.
What does this mean?
Should I read into the lines
you're etching
into my perma-furrowed brow?

I don't know.

That One Ghost

living with a ghost
mostly icy stares and silence
at least there's no more violence
at least I hope

Lingchi

When every cut's the deepest
you need hours to lick your wounds.

Trigger finger always numb
from pressure unbecoming of a
modern day woman.

Grow a spine and have some fun!

But when it isn't about you,
who else could it be?

Never stop to think about
the eight billion other fiends.

I have the time but not the patience
to dance around your feelings.

I hope and pray you find a way
outside your mental traps,
you're circling the drain

and forgetting to look back.

The Second-Order

never thought to consider

all reality could be

be real with me

tapped into magic

no words yet come close

trying to itch a scratch

no looking back

time is forever and never

no looking back

and i know you know

that if you know you know

we’re the ritual

open your eyes

bound by hard times

the truth is lies

i’m in your mind

and you’re in mine

open your eyes

follow distraction 

all the way back

now’s the time

Impossible

Impossible

to feel the right way

impossible

to say the right thing

leave my head spinning

at least that makes sense

while the world is crumbling

over words said wrong

deeds not done

whatever

just leave me spinning

i have been all along

The Fear In Love

Known for
taking the easy way out
and
biding time.
Neither is fair really
but hesitation is left to reign
and feelings sink passed the point
of no return.

What if I just
did the hard thing?
I never embraced the fear in love
quite right,
got it out of the way
and under my skin
faster than the all encompassing terror
and blinding doubts
doubling down before my eyes.

But I think I'm finally ready to be terrified

Carbon Love

I.

I thought it'd mean more
if my love took a form I could touch
something visceral, physical.
I turned love into carbon
only to realize
by making it a totem,
I assured it's destruction.
Now my love is just
another physical thing
breaking down
turning to ashes and dust.

 

II.

My love's carbon footprint
takes an unbearable toll
on the physical world.
In theory, it's so beautiful,
but in actuality, it's presence in nature
is utterly merciless.
My love is an invasive species with no regard
for the natural order.
Nature doesn't need my love.
Once my love became carbon
all the most beautiful things in nature
disappeared;
everything gold was lost.
And I guess now
I'm just sorry I loved you so much.

Who knows

I'm so full of words, I'm drowning.
Dying to say to you
everything I'm feeling
since our love turned blue.

I fear I'm bitter, losing touch.
Itching every scratch
trying to rewrite the past.

I'm just watching days float by
longing to rewind.
Or not. Who knows?
Maybe it's just about control.

It's hard to even know what I want anymore.
Closure? Sure, but what a fallacy!

Severed

peel back skin/
sever the flesh/
pick bones dry.

a fresh start and
i'll leave nothing behind.

Tough Skin

done bleeding now
you left your mark
the skin is raised
over my heart
flesh wounds
carved in deep
i'll harden my skin
shed the weak

Check please!

hands placed, tenderly
then mouth to ear
your breathy words escape
laying it on thick
and I'm eating it up,
playing my part

unable/unwilling

I'm clinging to the past,
the ghost haunting my memories,
unable/unwilling to stop treading water
and just head for the fucking shore already.
I'm craving more and you won't fill me.
You're clinging to the past
unable/unwilling to see anything new
in front of you.

And now I'm holding back to see
if you're holding out on me.
And of course you are!
It's no surprise,
you ride emotions like tides.
At best I'm stuffed in the back of your mind
losing sight of what I'm chasing here.

Out of Bounds

Your disappointment knows no bounds
not even reality
or sanity
driving me to do so many things
whatever
goodnight, if you need

Pretty Lines

shake you from your ways
rolling eyes into oblivion
and back through the past
wondering what is left
only to realize it's nothing
and never was anything
pretty lines of programming
backend code
not for our eyes

Tender

Cracked a rib for you to see
raw nerves tangled, exposed.
Now poke and prod;
I'm on display.
Say it comes easy,
like pulling teeth,
but talk is cheap -
cauterize me.

Revealing Too Much

Amphetamine breath
and your truth eyes,
whats more to know?

There's no stopping this
see:
carcasses in the streets.

This pace won't last
an exotic cacophony, melody
so revealing...

loner.

Loner
not lonely
at least I tell myself a dozen times
a chosen solitude I suppose
at least I hope
and it's safer here anyway -

back to the wall,
one way out.

Heresy

Your voice isn't real anymore
your words are fallacy
I told myself long ago
this isn't something
it's in between
words and deeds
all I ever see
and
I can't reconcile what you mean
my head and heart won't meet

Midnight

Counting down
to count back up
I think I still love you,
never enough.

And who cares anyway
I'm overthinking everything
leading me back
back
back
to midnight.

Cue the clock.

Rosy Bright

closing doors
around every corner
never anywhere but here
among the stars
alone
thoughts race back to you
and shine
rosy bright
is this a memory
or a fantasy?

Brutality

Sun's been down for days
only ashes of warmth remain.
I guess it's winter now
and it's a brutal one,
extinguishing my flame entirely.

Seedling

Good seed gone bad
and I won't wait around
for your poison to bloom.

I don't think you see
the red brewing inside you.

Work

My heart's still beating
full stop
despite the lies I find
I'll have to carry on.
Tabulating time spent
alone or not
I'm calibrating a path
I wish you were here to see:
the me I can be.
And its thoughts like these
that let me know
I've still got work to do

The Sting

Lacking purpose, my
state of mind is hard to find
always heavy, sinking low/
new depths, grey tones.

Built a bridge to burn today
no flame remains
no flame remains
waiting for the sting,
left hanging.

Camel

When does hard become too hard?
When does hurt become suffering?
What did the camel say as it's back broke?

I'm fighting the urge to self destruct
and fighting the urge to have more urges
but I can't.
Something feels inevitable,
lurking behind the last tear I muster.

How did this happen?
When did we steer into the thicket?

Breath is heavy and thick with soot.

Free Bird

Every no is searing hot
burns a thousand suns.
The wind blows in every direction
when a free bird wants to fly
and I could say anything
but a free bird wants to fly;
flap those wings until
those teared eyes begin to see
there's nothing beyond us.
And maybe I don't know my wings
see them catch wind
and wonder.

slump

melt into paralysis
i've been leaking all feeling
left slowly sinking
my guard is down when you're around