Indistinct Chatter

Bones scraping
like tongues,
vying to be clean.

All my best words evade me.
Thought I was
saving them for later,
not realizing.

Now we're
indistinct chatter,
the backtrack with
nothing worth articulating.

I meant I'm sorry
every time.
I wish I still meant
something, anything.

But now
all my best words evade me,
and you aren't listening
anyway.

Swimmer

This is a mistake
and I want to scream every day
but if I'm not allowed
to feel anything else
the least I can do
is respect you
from afar.

And I'm waiting for her
to chime in on my behalf.
She's been in my ear for months
saying time is out of line
and to build up my virtues,
this High Priestess
I haven't met.
I pray she knows
I'm The Fool, no saint,
and I bound my hands
but not too tight
because they contain my everything.

Even so
please know
if you ever want to again
I'm just a river away.

I'm not afraid to get wet.

Devine

The stars are screaming
we're meant to be so much more!
Maybe I'll give it a light-year
maybe more
but I hear the Universe

She is my scar
my crown
divined

Disco

broken glass
and a half
watch but time won't pass

empty glass
tinny speakers
some sound I suppose

enter commerce
transactional something something
time spent not free

don't listen
the red wheelbarrow

The Catalyst

Maybe you were always my catalyst:
my spark to action.
Taking it all in
now I see
I'm not meant to merely watch,
I'm meant to be.
And there's still a shimmer of love for you
that will remain in my heart
despite our endings, destitute.

The Most Honest Thing

I won't pretend
this doesn't burn
more than a thousand suns.
It seems the hardest truth
is knowing you were not the one.
Looking back I see
past all the rosy shimmer, and
yet again,
this is the end of an era.

Another meager attachment
amplified by empty promises.

This isn't the first time
I've spoken of this as an ending,
but its the first time
that I feel it in my bones.

If every moment
leading up to right now shapes a person,
I take solace in knowing
my shaping doesn't end at you;
I'll continue to grow.

Sorry that it took this long
to find honesty.
And the most honest thing
was the end.

H.F.P.R.E.F.

It's this
head-fucky, post relationship
emotional fuckery
that's got me
gasping for new breath,
sick of the old taste.
Is platonicy the way to check this?
Fill the hole with something else?
I can tell you want,
but heavy sighs don't carry the same weight
they used to.
And I'm sick of searching for meaning
in the silence between
every last conversation
before you've had enough of me.
What does this mean?
Should I read into the lines
you're etching
into my perma-furrowed brow?

I don't know.

That One Ghost

living with a ghost
mostly icy stares and silence
at least there's no more violence
at least I hope

Lingchi

When every cut's the deepest
you need hours to lick your wounds.

Trigger finger always numb
from pressure unbecoming of a
modern day woman.

Grow a spine and have some fun!

But when it isn't about you,
who else could it be?

Never stop to think about
the eight billion other fiends.

I have the time but not the patience
to dance around your feelings.

I hope and pray you find a way
outside your mental traps,
you're circling the drain

and forgetting to look back.

The Second-Order

never thought to consider

all reality could be

be real with me

tapped into magic

no words yet come close

trying to itch a scratch

no looking back

time is forever and never

no looking back

and i know you know

that if you know you know

we’re the ritual

open your eyes

bound by hard times

the truth is lies

i’m in your mind

and you’re in mine

open your eyes

follow distraction 

all the way back

now’s the time