The Most Honest Thing

I won't pretend
this doesn't burn
more than a thousand suns.
It seems the hardest truth
is knowing you were not the one.
Looking back I see
past all the rosy shimmer, and
yet again,
this is the end of an era.

Another meager attachment
amplified by empty promises.

This isn't the first time
I've spoken of this as an ending,
but its the first time
that I feel it in my bones.

If every moment
leading up to right now shapes a person,
I take solace in knowing
my shaping doesn't end at you;
I'll continue to grow.

Sorry that it took this long
to find honesty.
And the most honest thing
was the end.

H.F.P.R.E.F.

It's this
head-fucky, post relationship
emotional fuckery
that's got me
gasping for new breath,
sick of the old taste.
Is platonicy the way to check this?
Fill the hole with something else?
I can tell you want,
but heavy sighs don't carry the same weight
they used to.
And I'm sick of searching for meaning
in the silence between
every last conversation
before you've had enough of me.
What does this mean?
Should I read into the lines
you're etching
into my perma-furrowed brow?

I don't know.

That One Ghost

living with a ghost
mostly icy stares and silence
at least there's no more violence
at least I hope

Lingchi

When every cut's the deepest
you need hours to lick your wounds.

Trigger finger always numb
from pressure unbecoming of a
modern day woman.

Grow a spine and have some fun!

But when it isn't about you,
who else could it be?

Never stop to think about
the eight billion other fiends.

I have the time but not the patience
to dance around your feelings.

I hope and pray you find a way
outside your mental traps,
you're circling the drain

and forgetting to look back.

The Second-Order

never thought to consider

all reality could be

be real with me

tapped into magic

no words yet come close

trying to itch a scratch

no looking back

time is forever and never

no looking back

and i know you know

that if you know you know

we’re the ritual

open your eyes

bound by hard times

the truth is lies

i’m in your mind

and you’re in mine

open your eyes

follow distraction 

all the way back

now’s the time

Impossible

Impossible

to feel the right way

impossible

to say the right thing

leave my head spinning

at least that makes sense

while the world is crumbling

over words said wrong

deeds not done

whatever

just leave me spinning

i have been all along

The Fear In Love

Known for
taking the easy way out
and
biding time.
Neither is fair really
but hesitation is left to reign
and feelings sink passed the point
of no return.

What if I just
did the hard thing?
I never embraced the fear in love
quite right,
got it out of the way
and under my skin
faster than the all encompassing terror
and blinding doubts
doubling down before my eyes.

But I think I'm finally ready to be terrified

Carbon Love

I.

I thought it'd mean more
if my love took a form I could touch
something visceral, physical.
I turned love into carbon
only to realize
by making it a totem,
I assured it's destruction.
Now my love is just
another physical thing
breaking down
turning to ashes and dust.

 

II.

My love's carbon footprint
takes an unbearable toll
on the physical world.
In theory, it's so beautiful,
but in actuality, it's presence in nature
is utterly merciless.
My love is an invasive species with no regard
for the natural order.
Nature doesn't need my love.
Once my love became carbon
all the most beautiful things in nature
disappeared;
everything gold was lost.
And I guess now
I'm just sorry I loved you so much.

Who knows

I'm so full of words, I'm drowning.
Dying to say to you
everything I'm feeling
since our love turned blue.

I fear I'm bitter, losing touch.
Itching every scratch
trying to rewrite the past.

I'm just watching days float by
longing to rewind.
Or not. Who knows?
Maybe it's just about control.

It's hard to even know what I want anymore.
Closure? Sure, but what a fallacy!

Severed

peel back skin/
sever the flesh/
pick bones dry.

a fresh start and
i'll leave nothing behind.