The exquisite pain of knowing:
I've been tied down
for so long
I've forgotten freedom,
I long for your restraints.
Every almost morning
there's a flicker of
a former self
fighting to get out,
until I swallow
the bitter pill
and bite down.
I'm an addict
pretending
this is what I want.
I've reached my limit (again)
and I'm tired of dreaming.
So I'll untie myself tonight.
Freedom,
a new kind of pain.
I'm chasing white rabbits
further down holes
I have no business being in.
I hoped if I could
shake you awake
you would see. Instead, I'm
etching deeper into old wounds
seeking fresh blood.
I thought I had something
I needed to say
to you, but
it was just something
I needed to say -
you notwithstanding.
I'll leave the lingering why
in the vacuum universe
where we once existed,
the Unknown.
Heart of gold, turned stone:
you're breaking me.
I'm blind to all your madness while
losing my mind
three letters at a time.
Glued to the beat,
I'm waiting.
A mixture of terror/
love washes over me.
Silence speaking volumes,
my ears are left ringing.
What was the point of any of this?
We're born into violence;
spend our lives thrashing,
dragging each other down
only to rip out our own hearts.
Just don't.
We never had a chance.
A sweet melody,
casual cruelty.
Giving ourselves away in pieces,
bit by bit
we disappear.
Tonight
the mirror's empty, but
the glass is full.
We're drowning in inches.
Semantics.
We're bound for the floor.
Pathetic.
I'll close the door behind me.
Bowing down.
I feel the hunger ravaging my insides
until only scraps remain.
You're the illusion of sustenance,
never leaving me full.
And I'm starving.
I'm so ready to bite the hand that feeds.
Lean in,
I'll steal the breath right off your lips.
there is no escaping
you, the tarpit
a plague on this dead colony
clawing toward the horizon
but sticking in the dirt,
your stigmatic ego is
dragging us back down
out of your element
in the elements, while I'm
drowning in the light
of your eyes
spotlighting my disaster
Maybe it's the silence/
maybe it's the way
you push my hair back
off my face
I cannot know the meaning/
cannot know our fate
(but I'll) keep on coming back for you
every single day
something in the way,
(there's something in the way)
We're bleeding all our feelings
making no mistakes
calling into question
why I hesitate
we're sharing all these words
and I swear I like the taste
but something is amiss,
something's in the way
Something forbidden bubbles to the surface
suddenly bursting, spreading infection.
My lungs tighten
as I breathe in your toxins.
No doubt, you will be the end of me.
I quiver and quake by your side,
begging for breath, knowing full well
I will succumb to your intoxication.
I am dizzy and infatuated, infuriated
by this need to share your lethal air.
Red blinds, tucked tight
to signal inflicted misery,
but it's a short walk across the street.
Double dog detour.
Bones jutting like crowns,
lies beneath our surface.
Stolen royalty, mostly
thirsty to get caught.
