nye.

Day by day, bit by bit
you wear me down,
leave me looking less like myself.
And the infuriating part is that
I can’t even be mad at you because
somehow I let you.
Erosion of my soul in full swing,
I’m counting down the days until
I’ll be anywhere else.

have me.

She encourages little rebellions
and my mind wanders for days
without water.
She sinks my teeth like ships on
forgotten treasure explorations.
She is chaos meeting inertia
on a clear day, clearing
my head of thinking.

She She She

She does it all so casually,
minces my meanings.
And when she strikes that tone with me,
my bones vibrate in perfect harmony
until my ribs break free in dissonance
and drag my lungs back to her.

All my words are hers for the taking.

lemons.

Sex gone sour,
spiritually unsatisfying.
I'm sucking lemons to forget
our sweetness.

begone.

I’m staring down my well of melancholy
searching the bricks for the catalyst,
all the while knowing damn well
it’s you.
I’ve even corrupted your memory,
painted you too perfectly
and in turn you’ve infected my dreams,
poisoned them with your presence.
I thought the way out was through,
but couldn’t have been more wrong.
The only way out is to banish you.
Begone!

caged.

This city is wearing me down,
testing the limits of my sanity,
and stealing my bliss.
Facing a total erasure of my being,
I don't think I can stand it
any longer here.
I'm caged.

How did this happen?

unspun.

Mortal coils collide, tangle.
I’ve been hiding for thirty-two years,
waiting for you.
(Yeah, you.)
Do you hear me calling out?
I’m unwinding.
You’re the static in my silence,
the ringing in my ears.
We’re pure stardust baby,
and I want you next to me
when I come unspun.

consumption.

In spite of everything,
you’re collecting dust on my shelf
next to every other sorry soul
I ritualistically commodified
and consumed.
I’m sorry, my devouree.

rattled.

You cut me deep, and
I’m ashamed to have let you break me so completely.
Left me a pile of bitter bones, so much so
three years later I’m still rattling.
I confess the karmic irony.

unspeakables.

Watched the weight of my actions
pin you down and paint you into a corner.
All the unspeakables, spoken
and I have no words left
to defend myself.

infinity.

Standing in my own way,

I'm repeating old patterns
praying for the sweet release
of insanity.
Familiarity to sink my teeth into.
I find my crumbs always lead back to you.

painted on.

Painted my fingers
on to your skin, stretched tight
and stiff from application.
I said I'd never let you go
and if you're into that
that we should break the skin
to forge these promises,
etch them into bone.

unironically calls her father ‘daddy’.

We provide an insight into our broken fucking youth:
fucking each other for things to do.

My homegrown villainess waits in bed
spewing hot, ashen stares in my direction,
devious but no deceit.

Taking a dangerous cue from my humanistic impulses, i
batten down the hatches and stain her smile.

I’m no hometown hero, but something isn't right.

brutal truth.

brutal truth,
I mythologized you
and make no excuses for my
rampant romantic rhapsodies.

highly primitive.

future's listening,
what'd you say?
highly primitive
highly primitive desire

strange beast.

your dagger stares
awaken a strange beast
within

primal pursuit.

suddenly awakened by a
primal pursuit
my skin aches for your
small sparks

around town.

cityscape stained -
leaving my mark around town.
foolproof futility, and
i can't keep living this way
::
just watching the stars fade.

dead oaks.

i listened intently as
the dead oaks
exhaled your secrets.
i never knew if
a single word was true,
but
still i think of you.

dust.

i found you
in the silence
and dust
you left behind

ghosted.

the moon left without a trace.

rebellion.

The cost of rebellion weighs heavily on my mind.

To forsake this most obvious trajectory,
a simple life of simple pleasures.
Or,
to allow myself to stumble into domesticity,
a death so subtle I doubt I'd notice.

The thought alone shakes me to my core.

silent observer.

reclaiming my role as
the silent observer
you effortlessly obliged
as the observed

all the women i've loved.

all the women i've loved before
each with their own story
their own truth
and than there was me
loving them aimlessly

tash.

found my way back to you
just in time to realize
i'm the asshole.

there aren't enough cigarettes in the world tonight

forget it.

I felt the violence in your words and
beat them back.
Holding on but losing track of
our memories, sweeter things.

It would seem I've forgotten everything.

fast friends.

we crashed,
instantly fusing the worst parts of ourselves
together.
the fumes from our union
were hypnotic
and i found it so easy to overlook
the toxicity.
when you looked at me, I was seen
and the rest of the world stood still.
nothing like us had ever existed
and never would.
we blinded each other.
until
we crashed again.

shine.

mind flooded with temptation
weakness abound
nervous panic sets in
no stopping me now
you stood up to my darkness
looked me dead in the eye
reminded me the key to my light
was to let it shine

swim.

lost at sea, so easily.
I wasn't looking and
let the tide be my guide.
I followed mindlessly,
even watched from above
as the current carried me
out into the deep.
I could probably swim, if I tried
but my arms are tongue-tied
as I continue to follow your lead.
I could probably swim, if I tried
but I won't. Survival's a farce
when I could be drowning by your side.

lila.

beautifully expressed discontent
always wanting that which I can't have
she bares her teeth to me
as I drift off to sleep
she bares her teeth to me
and I accept this defeat

sea animal.

cut that Seattle shit off at the root,
can't take it no more.
i'm left smelling the past like a street rat.
had to find myself waist deep
in another's martyred sexuality
to see what was right in front of me.
i'm a caged animal, freed
clipped wings and no song to sing.
i'm a lost soul, please
wait for mind to stop wandering.

no spark.

gnashing mouths
unappetized
dull & smooth
no spark

the pull.

the gravity
of your weighted soul
keeps me in orbit.
old strength, new beauty
effortlessly entangled.

i'm back.