Bleed out

Maybe you were right and
I need to access my anger more
so just know, right now,
I'm mad at you.

You couldn't let me have tonight.

Everything is more than it is.

I love you, but I don't love this.
You love to pick apart the little things,
say you trust, then doubt everything.

Like I could never be blind.
Like I could never see
all the pictures long since painted black.

There's a difference between
honesty and tact
that isn't mutually exclusive.

Maybe next time bite your tongue for a night,
you won't bleed out,
I promise.

Clarity.

The silent power of clarity.

Running down your face
fill your cup with my eruption,
drown in my velvet ocean.
Ever rising tide.

I'm on the edge and
blood runs south,
ever rising tide.

Disrupting the surface,
temperature raised.

Gulp it down.

View from the top:
your little mustache.

We won the body lottery baby
now make it feel right.

Feel it like a knife

Godzilla

Night drive into the lake:

I asked what sea creature
you would be
and you got mythological on my ass.

Godzilla.

Damn.
Respect.
I see you Godzilla.

Ocean Eyes

I'm parched, drinking in the sky
by your side.
Your eyes are my favourite blue.
I'm lost in your ocean,
impossibly happy
as my lungs fill with salt.

Avoidance

She's been mouthing all my secrets
to the cracks in the wall,
divining another mystery at my feet.
I can't tell,
everything but her words are avoiding me.
Weeks of silence ring out in the static.

Idle Worship

Idle worship
my mind thirsts for your succulence,
let me remain until the sun
bleaches my skin alabaster again.
You are a desert and I'll find water.
You are all the nutrients in this barren land.
White and red, then black again.

Chaos

Manifesting reality
one breath at a time
exquisite chaos
floods my mind

Pinch Me

Pinch me.
The universe makes sense when you're around
and it's scaring me.

Kerosene

The first night I didn't love you
shook me. Hard.
I thought your faint glow
would forever paint the night just right.
Tonight your flame was just a flame.
Tonight your flame was annoying in its resilience,
seeming so eager to burn out.
Alec said it was bound to happen,
they could see the love was missing.
But I long to love you again!
I set the intention.
I will love you again.

Full Stop

The good hurt when you're alone
that last night,
avoiding sticky fingers.
Love starts and ends with you.
Full stop.
Love starts.
Love ends.
The trick is navigating the in-between,
knowing how to say no
to the sirens along the way.
Even the best sounds can be deafening.

Marked

She's the good haunting late into the night.

She's the love painted under your eyelids.

She's the good morning after never having slept.

She's the wheeze as you try to speak for the first time in so long your tongue seizes.

She's the one who deciphered your body's secret code.

She's the ache in your bones.

You've been marked and want the world to know.

Trail Strangers

Are you scared?
Me too.
The scarier the better:
lets get bold in our loverisks.

The sour lady's face is probably stuck that way,
living miserably,
forgetting to make lemonade.

We're gracious as trail strangers,
I'll follow your body anywhere.

Something you said reminded me
of elephant graveyards,
like I found my way back to you,
and I was suddenly overcome
by the beauty of everything.

I ache to scatter my ashes in your mind
to ritualize this moment,
to carve my initials into your cement.

Floor to Ceiling

Surrender is two syllables away.
I'm tongue deep in a beautiful thing,
losing all my words along the way.

Half a step from the center of your inferno
floor to ceiling windows watch
the architecture float on down
while smoke beasts howl for reprieve,
finding no relief in your flames.

I've got two heads tonight,
tell me all your dreams:
I could be divine in my solitude, or
just another mouth to feed,
clinging to you.

Ten Digits to Heaven

Tiny moans escape after they close the river.
My brain melts at your touch.
My fingers sing to your skin.
Backseat chorus and your body is a symphony.

You're the muse I didn't ask for,
the ten digits to heaven.
My tongue is getting itchy
trying to find the words...
I'll be here all night.

The Waiting Room

The tears of twenty one angels
collect in the gutters
of your grandparent's old home:
a silent storm.

You said if I'm
still alone
at thirty-five we were meant to be
old cat ladies together.

Okay.

You spoke of the future like
we were living in a waiting room,
counted all my lovers
and when you ran out of fingers
got nasty.

You fell off the face of the earth
and slept in a stranger's car.
Dangerous woman -
risking more.

The truth was something you wouldn't share,
devotion something I wouldn't give.
We butted heads for nearly a decade,
only sometimes lovingly.

I left the want of eight years on my tongue to dissolve,
tasting of familiarity.
No longer love.

Tension

Your potent sexual energy
is distorting reality,
breaking time.

Get outta my head!
No wait, don't.

My mind coalesces on a single track
thinking of all the ways I wanna...
hmmmm
exist in you.

You got me started.
Finish me.

The Other Side

You want to find me
on the other side
won't hear me out
let's go
the other side
here we go
where are you
I'm not here
take me on
but you won't
the other side
the other side

Coca Cola

Lemon drop moon

you can find me

crawling under the bar

scrounging for conversation.

And Trevor’s still talking about

the decocainized leaves not adding up:

the shady side of it all.

His hips have been speaking in code

all night, but

he doesn’t want to stick around

and that’s just fine,

he’s got a baby anyway.

Morgan

Spending my days
manifesting my nights
and when I finally sleep
it'll be oh so sweet,
but not tonight.
You've got diamonds for eyes
and all I want to do
is excavate you.
Don't worry, I'll leave the bones.

Nature

What're those trees called?
The ones that smell like pussy.
Strolling in the park has never been so alluring.

Nature is erotic. Nature is sex.
Nature is beautiful like your body,
untouched like wild grass.

I pervert nature with my presence;
I pervert your body with my touch.

Nature is sex and I am the tallest tree.
You climb me and touch all my branches,
lick every leaf.

I grow like weeds in the sun
nourished by your contact: skin to bark.

Nature is beautiful and nature is sex and together
we make the sun go down.

Banana Peels

These sheets are banana peels,
liberate me -
I'm ripe for you.
I'll be fructose for you baby.
I'll be all the fruit for you.
I'll be a cavity for you, drill me.
I'll be blooming in June
and covered in flies by July,
so lets get this going girl!
Make a move -
I'm ripe for you.

onion soup.

You slaved over that hot stove
for hours cooking down those damn onions,
dehydrating green beans swimming in lemon juice and butter,
perfecting a couscous salad:
all to impress me.
I'm being honest when I say everything tastes great,
yet I'm left with a bitter taste in my mouth.
And I know I shouldn't, but I feel guilty.
You're so obviously sure about me
and I'm still on the fence.
You won't stop talking about how I look
and I couldn't feel less seen.
I guess the way to my heart
isn't through my stomach.

2011.

No words left to find
in the bottom of my mind;
the sentiment is gone,
and that's just fine.
The sun will rise another day.

like glass.

Slide between the cracks
in your ribs
see how I fit, see.

Oh,
we're spreading ourselves
across the world,
though never thin enough
somehow
our minds still break like glass.

In the meantime
you try to share
your cigarette and,
no stranger to danger,
billow away.

5mg.

As the past trickles in, grain by grain,
you offer me pleasant remnants,
little forgotten forget-me-nots.
And today at least
I'm strong enough to decline.
You tyrant,
tendering a known weakness,
I won't acquiesce to your blatant attempts
to destroy me.

inquiring eyes.

To her inquiring eyes
that wait for dark
before they ever look my way,
I say to thee
not tonight
save your breath for the light of day.

strange painting.

Thought maybe
you could see me
through my calculated mist,
the barrier between
me and everything.

There's no shame in
your kind of prying eyes
when somewhere deep inside
I'm begging for your spotlight.

But until I'm found
I'll scrounge around
this self imposed darkness,
painting myself strangely.

bad bones.

Want so badly
to think of you fondly
but a dull agony lives on
as we're years apart now,
nothing but bad bones
remain.

summer sins.

The lies I tell myself
and you
collect in the gutters
of my autumn mind,
unaware of my summer sins.

unmatched.

Unmatched, her
illegal carnal displays
awaken my primal beast.
I must possess her;
dominance at all costs.

spicy moon.

The sight of you
ignites
the kindling of my old soul
wild with flames
untamed.
Late at night
I rejoice, celebrate
your truth and the lie
oh Spicy Moon,
I'm betrothed to you.

love-light.

She said don't be a stranger
damn near ten years ago
and when worlds collide today
something's brewing
under the surface.
I've said it before
and she said it today,
you could be the death of me
any given day.

ink.

Patiently waiting
for you to break the skin,
I salute you
Pablo
scratch me again.

becoming.

Her skin speaks to me without words
and suddenly I understand.

Her eyes are flames that burn through my shell,
scorching my insides.

She is death and I am dying and
she becomes me.

downtown by myself.

I feel alive in
the city at night
intermittent passerby
let me know
I'm still alive
tonight, tonight
I'm still alive

woozy.

Leaving you
the room to breathe
you said you need,
you start to question
the space between us.
Say you're betrayed
by memories of our
past tense proximity,
left feeling attacked by my
step back and
finding only my shadow
by your side now.

Leaving me
woozy, your 360's
make me question
just what I'm feeling.
And I hate you for
your contagious indecision.
Think I'll
leave you behind
for good this time,
jump back into the shadows
and call it a night.

kopfkino.

we're running lines in my mind
all the time

I find myself waiting
for you to materialize

and then you do

say you
couldn't stay away
and in time
I watch the light drain
from your eyes
then from mine

and suddenly we find ourselves
alone together

killing time

forty dollars.

My words flee like a murder scene,
no one wants to be found
near the body.

Jack thinks he can make it on his own
with forty dollars in his pocket
and a bad attitude,
so he leaves too.

I'm left holding the bag in a foreign land and
my tongue feels heavy, itching to speak
syllables that mean nothing to me.

irish goodbye.

Not worth the words I'd use
to destroy you.
I left you
counting on one hand
the syllables I'd mustered
amid your cacophony.
And they were all lies.
Not sorry, not tonight.

turtle tattoo.

You say you
mean me no harm.
Attempt to weaken my resolve
with your blade
pressed to my throat.
Tempting me
with a good time
but tonight I decline,
find greener pastures outside
decidedly away from you.

spring cleaning.

Your scent on my skin,
somehow.
I'm losing my mind
in the night
as Spring suddenly approaches.
Fearing the consequences
of your essence lingering too long,
I'll claw you from my dermis;
leave my bloody rind behind
for others to find
to warn of the dangers
of love unbloomed.

brine.

The waves are breaking,
something under the surface isn't right.
I'm watching from the shore
as words pour out my mouth.
Relax.
I've been holding my breath
for five years.
Open me up, unravel me.
My thoughts are a pool in the sand
ravaged by the tide.
There's a spark, but no flame.
And tomorrow's just another day
collecting salt.

new moon.

The tides have changed
so I begin my
ritualistic self-consumption,
as is customary
when the moon betrays me.
I'm scraping the sky for meaning.

intoxication.

This intoxication!
Your aura
sends my head away,
reeling for days.
I've lost track of my mind.
I'm spinning,
blissfully captivated!

no winners.

coming in hot
the little baby cries
when he doesn’t get his way
go on, pout
this has clearly been brewing
stomp around
act out
display your childish inclinations
lack of self awareness
ego clouds insight, always
it’s in the how, not the what
bro, let it go
there’s no winner here

more of you.

I visit your bones
in a box
in the ground
and wish
more of you
remained.

cracks.

Watching cracks begin to form
in my facade,
light shines through;
I'm no longer fooling myself.
My heart continues to wander
searching for the iteration of you
in this lifetime.
You're stifling me.
It's more than the heat
I can't get passed.

underwater.

What does it mean to me
to be living so recklessly?

I'm awaiting your divine intervention
but won't hold my breath,
I already know
you won't materialize.

Living so fast I forgot
to own my wreckage:
I'm the common denominator.

Too blind to see
all the squalor I carry with me:
I'm the silence on the ocean floor.

swollen.

words swell in my chest
leaving no room for air
all the things
I'm dying to say to you

body dysmorphia.

my legs shaking
knowing we should be
intertwined
for all of time;
a mess of limbs
no yours or mine
melted into each other
for all of time

human jewelry.

I won't be the one
to say when this time.
You don't wanna be my baby,
or so you say,
as you hang off me:
my human jewelry.

tragic magic.

your proximity
such gravity
tragic magic
betrays me

the crooked boy.

the crooked boy
made of fire
scorches everything he touches
blissfully unaware

andro.

Levels of androgyny
beyond me
your gender fuckery
oh baby
making out to
Death From Above
slay me

rancid.

Inhaling your rotten poetry
it occurs to me,
you're the contagion consuming me.

The infection is spreading, breeding
more rancid memories,
and yet I offer myself to this disease.

Contaminate my existence,
devour me.

dragon.

Your beauty is deceiving,
but your words highlight
the rot within:
putrid breath,
words of death
masquerading as "love".

How did you get this way?
I have so many questions
but wouldn't dare
approach a dragon...

not tonight.

Flesh collides, and
your eager lips search for meaning
but no words escape my torrid cavity.
Your body swells with shameful desire
as I lick the salt from your skin,
and your breath begs
for more than I'm willing to give.

Not tonight.

counterpunch.

I'll break your bones
if you ask nicely,
even weather your unbearable storm.
You've been waiting around,
again,
and I'll eat a few more punches
before I call it a night.
One of these days
I'll learn your rhythm,
and perfect my counter.

fetishized anger.

Your fetishized anger
feeds on the remains
of my best intentions;

the involuntary fuel
to your flames.

devious.

I'm feeling devious
I know you know
coaxing it out of me

the wrong kind.

The fire in your eyes
set on me
mixes with your lava words,
and yeah,
you're melting my insides.

I think I'm terrified,
been messing with the wrong kind.

We couldn't be more different if we tried,
and I won't anyway,
no, not this time.

disclosure.

A weighty sentiment
bursting with honesty:

disclosure -

a rupture in frequency/
freedom from uncertainty.

We're averting natural disaster tonight,
no shifty eyes.

a mellow reprieve.

To the setting sun
the night is young.
Fresh from the light and
birthed from the bright,
the moon offers a mellow reprieve.

the crooked spine of Satan.

The red still shows
clinging to bones.
Together we rest on
the crooked spine of Satan.

spores.

Out of every cavity
pores speak freely
seeping your leaking meaning
into the world,
emanating spores so divine
I could die once or twice.

fixation.

This fixation,
what a nice way to put it.
You're a world ruiner
with me in your sights.

boundaries.

An exercise in boundaries,
finding the lines between us
are more than just for show.
And it would be so easy
to lose myself in you,
but I’m drawing lines tonight -
where does my heart reside?
Your guess is as good as mine.

molten stare.

Trying to catch my eye, you won’t say a word,
letting your actions speak.
You’re burning holes in my skull,
and I’m acutely aware of your molten stare.

what i'm trying to tell you.

I left my voice soft and low
hoping from tone alone you'd know
just what I was trying to tell you,
do you know what I'm trying to tell you?

I thought that maybe, if I spoke real slow,
bathed my teeth in the words before letting go
that you'd know
just what I'm trying to tell you.

too much.

I don't need no revolution
I'm just trying to be
something like my past lives baby.
I remember being free.
These modern times are something else,
asking so much of me.
Take a stand or stand aside,
well okay,
leave me by the wayside.
Won't take a stand for you honey,
asking too much of me...

a way in.

Finding myself in depraved spaces,
altered states of being.
Trouble always finds me
waiting outside,
looking for a way in.

lemming.

I did it, like a good little lemming.
Followed you into the sun
and felt myself melting.